Thief Without Shame
by Tuba-chan
Summary: It's "pick up" girls, not "pickpocket" girls!
"Nico, I'm gonna go get us some drinks. You wait here, ok?" One of my best friends, Eri, calls back to me over the pounding music. I nod briefly with a quick wave of my hand. As soon as she is out of sight, a man who looks to be about double my age winks in my direction. I gag right back at him so he'll take a hint, and walk away (despite Eri's telling me to wait there). This place is definitely not my cup of tea.

As you can see, I usually would never find myself in a club, especially one with such deplorable people. Or, so I thought they all were. I then glance up and do a double-take as my eyes catch sight of the most gorgeous woman I have ever met in my entire life. Scarlet tresses that fall just a bit past her shoulders, a perfect figure that is even more so brought out by her deep-black dress.. And those smoldering violet eyes that curiously gaze back at me, already my favorite part about her. I feel I might burst into flames the more she looks at me.

We both stare at each other now, neither breaking eye contact nor making a move to step forward. I decide that I am not leaving for home without at least trying to pick up this woman, so I do the thing that will _obviously_ get her to come home with me: I use a dumb pickup line. Dumb pickup lines always work on girls! ..Right?

At this point, it's too late to turn back as I march my way towards her. She arches an eyebrow, and presses her lips to an almost empty glass to take another sip of whatever drink she's been having. Finally, I'm standing right in front of her. She towers over me, her high heels not helping with my already less than average height. "May I help you?" Her voice is smooth and pleasing to my ears, and it makes me wonder what other noises she's capable of making..

"I think you're gonna need to arrest me, because I just stole your heart." I'm already cringing before the last words even slip out, but there's no turning back now. The woman doesn't seem to be fazed at all, not giving a positive or a negative reaction. Instead, she walks straight past me, and I feel a slight pressure at my upper-thigh before it is gone completely.

"Is that so? Well, I just stole your wallet." She then continues along with her strut; I find myself unable to do anything but watch the swish of her hips as she makes her way outside of the club, successfully drawing the attention of both men and women. Once she is no longer there to distract me, her words finally sink into my brain. _"I just stole your wallet."_

No way, there is _no way_ that she could have taken it. "It had to have been some kind of weird way to turn me down," is what I tell myself. But nonetheless, I reach down into my pants pocket in search of the familiar leather surface. I search more fervently and in a more panicked manor the further I reach without a sign of its presence. I take to pulling my pocket inside out, and sure enough, it is entirely empty. There isn't even a speck of lint left behind. "What the fuck?!" I angrily mutter to myself, and pull my other pocket out as well. Nope, no wallet, and no cellphone either now that I thought about it. The bitch had taken everything my pockets had to offer. "Shit, shit, _shit_!" I break out into a sudden sprint, taking the path that she'd gone through, and hoping that she would still be within the vicinity.

I think I see a flash of familiar blonde, but I don't stop to talk or answer any potential questions. I figure that I will explain the circumstances to her later. Once I reach the door, I slam it open in a hurry and jerk my head from side to side, checking to see if she's still within seeing distance. Thankfully, on my right side, I notice that unmistakable head of crimson hair, already about a block down from me. I take off toward her, ignoring the pain that begins to throb in my legs. "Hey, wait up!" I shout to her, as though a thief is going to stop, turn around, and give me back my belongings _just because I asked her to._ Unfortunately, she does indeed hear me. Normally, anyone who'd just stolen something would begin running from the person who was trying to re-obtain their possessions. But _no,_ all she does is _slightly_ increase her speed to where she's walking a teeny bit faster. You wouldn't even be able to notice the difference unless you were watching her rather closely. Here I am running as fast as I fucking can, and this girl over here is _walking_ at a speed that I cannot even come close to matching. Life really should have given me longer legs, I deduce.

I wind up chasing her for many blocks, and I can feel the exhaustion catching up to me. My panting is similar to that of a dog who's been in the sun for too long, and my legs feel as though they are going to turn into jelly and buckle beneath me. I thank every deity available when she eventually comes to a stop in front of a tall, brick house. She slips inside quietly, and I use the last of my strength for a final burst of speed. The door is already slammed shut by the time I get there, but to my benefit, she hadn't locked it.

I throw the door back open in a hurry, and find her still in the main hallway kicking off her nearly stiletto-like heels. (Seriously, I can't catch up to somebody walking in _those_ heels?!) She turns to me, seeming only mildly surprised. "Oh, I thought you would have given up after the first block or so. Please wipe your feet on the mat before coming in-"

"Don't start with me," I choke out between my uneven breaths. "I came here.. to get my stuff back!" I can't believe this woman is being so nonchalant, that she has the _audacity_ to go as far as asking me to wipe my feet off before stepping into her "precious" home. For all I know, she could have stolen the house as well.

"So pushy, I was going to give it back anyway.. Now I think I'll hold onto your things for a bit longer." She walks through a doorway into what is presumably the living room, and kicks back in a recliner.

"Excuse me?!" I stomp my way after her; there's no way in hell I'm leaving like this. "What makes you think you can decide how long you get to keep the things that belong to _me?!_ "

"Calm down; have a drink with me." She grabs a shiny, metal flask sitting next to her on a desk, and pours some of the clear liquid into a martini glass that is also residing on the desk. Once she pours her own, she pours one more and offers it to me. "Don't you even want to ask why I stole from you?"

I realize she isn't going to budge anytime soon, and I'm nowhere near as strong as she looks. So, I take a seat beside her with a sigh, and accept the cold drink. "You mean there's an actual reason? I thought you were just another one of those low-life thugs."

She glares at me from behind her glass, a blaze within her eyes that contests the fiery look of her hair. "Do _not_ compare me to people like _them_." Woops, I guess I struck a nerve. "Anyway, I steal from two main demographics: cute people and stupid people."

It's my turn to glare when I hear her reveal. Just what on earth is _that_ supposed to mean? "And what demographic do I fall under?" I retort through gritted teeth.

She glances me over with a look that almost speaks of uninterest, and takes another sip. "A bit of both, I suppose."

I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to be taking offense to this or not; she did at least call me cute after all.. Regardless, I prompt her to continue on with her earlier explaining. "And? You can't just tell me that your only motivations for stealing are 'stupid people' and 'cute people'." She suddenly pulls out my wallet, and begins searching through its contents. "Hey, what are you doing-" She plucks out my I.D. with expertise.

"Hmm, 22 years old? You sure don't look like it." I'm about to start fuming, but she continues on. "Well, _Nico-chan_ , it's not just as simple as wanting to steal from cute and stupid people. I have reasons for that too, you know."

"Go on, then." I've all but given up on getting my stuff back immediately, and take a large swig off my cocktail.

"I use my stealing as a sort of justice system. Stupid people need to learn that if they're not careful, then there will be consequences." She pours more cocktail mix into her now empty glass, and makes a gesture to ask me if I'm ready for more. I signal that I'm fine, and she places the flask down with a shrug.

"Ok, so you steal to punish stupid people.."

She nods in confirmation. "That's correct."

"If that's true.. Then what did cute people ever do to you?" Did she get turned down or something? Then again, who in their right mind would turn this woman down? I am very confused by this point.

"I never said that I was punishing them too;" She states in a matter-of-fact tone. "I need an excuse to talk to them later, and what better excuse than 'accidentally' taking some of their things with me?"

"But.. But that's such a STUPID reason!" I'm baffled at her now; is she perhaps mentally unstable? "And you didn't even fake like you accidentally took my wallet and phone, you straight up TOLD me that you took it!"

She gives another shrug, and now pulls out my phone from her pocket as well. "Sometimes I enjoy a little chase." She starts messing with random buttons on my phone, and I realize that she is trying to unlock it. So, I reach out as fast as I can to stop her.

"Hey, that's an invasion of privacy!" It seems that she has no sense of boundaries, but I don't think any thief _would_ have a sense of boundaries.

"If you keep misbehaving like this," She stands up and dangles my phone way over my head, "You won't be getting your things back at all." I settle for cursing and grumbling to myself as I sit back down. "Good, now I was only going to make a few modifications to it." She continues tapping away, and once satisfied, re-locks my screen. "Don't worry, I didn't change your password, or search for nudes or anything like that." And then, she does the strangest thing she's done all night.

She actually hands me my phone back. "..This isn't another joke, is it?" I ask as I tentatively reach to retrieve it.

She assures me that I can safely grab both it and the wallet. "I think you've learned your lesson. Just be sure to be more careful from now on, and also, keep being a cutie."

I flush red, and I gratefully take back both the things that I'd come for in the first place. ..Then it occurs to me that I shouldn't be grateful at all, since she'd just stolen these from me. "Thanks, I guess."

She 'tsks' at me and shakes her head. "So rude, and after I was such a hospitable host. I could have had all that cocktail to myself, you know."

I narrow my eyes in disbelief. "You do realize that most people aren't going to be happy when you steal from them, right? Whatever, why am I even still here? I'm going home." I jog my way out of the room, and out the door without turning back once.

When I am a safe distance away from her, I open my wallet to check that everything is in place as it should be. Nothing appears to be missing; none of the cards have even been shifted out of place. It's as though they were never taken from me in the first place. But.. why do I feel so empty? I got my things back; I should be happy now. Yet, here I am loathing myself.

It is in this moment that I realize several rather important things. 1. No matter how much I would deny it to her face (not that that would do any good, I did kind of try to ask her out), I am extremely attracted to this woman. 2. I want to talk to her more already, despite the fact that I should be furious, and never wish to associate with her again. 3. I completely forgot to ask for her name.

My heart is begging me to turn around and run back to her, to ask for her name, kiss her on those soft-looking lips- Um, I mean, smack her for messing with me. Yes, that is totally what I meant. Getting back to the point, I do not turn around. My pride is too strong to allow me to go back to her.

And so I walk back to the club, where Eri is probably worried sick and ready to scold me into tomorrow. To my surprise, upon my "re"-arrival, she is nowhere to be found. She most likely grew sick of waiting for me to come back, and headed home. On the other hand, maybe she found somebody to go home with.. I decide that I will ask her in the morning. For now, I head to my own place to get some rest after tonight's interesting events.

I call a taxi so that I do not have to walk the long journey home, and to my luck it arrives within 10 minutes. I settle down in the back seat, and open my phone for the first time since I've gotten it back. I check my messages to see if I've missed any, and unsurprisingly find two new messages from Honoka.

" _Hey, Nico-chan, Rin-chan just dared me to eat mayonnaise, should I do it?"_ Sent: 1 hour ago.

" _Too late, I think I'm dying, pls come to my funeral oh god it's so bad"_ Sent: 27 minutes ago.

I roll my eyes at my dork of a friend, and begin typing up my own reply. Then, I notice something odd. Under the list of available people to send my message to, there is a new contact, one that I don't remember adding. Curiosity now piqued, I tap it with my thumb. "Nishikino Maki" is what it is entered as. _"Excuse me, how do I know you?"_ I send it, hoping to get a response.

Almost instantaneously, the phone buzzes in my hand. _"Depends, is this Nico-chan?"_ I reply with a quick 'yes'.

" _This is the girl from earlier tonight. You know, the hottest thief you'll ever meet? ;) I knew you couldn't resist me"_ As soon as I realize who it is, I contemplate blocking the number. But as my finger hovers over the option to do so, I cannot bring myself to do it. "Stupid feelings, stupid heart, stupid Maki!" Well, I did say I wanted her name. But what was I supposed to do now?

Another text arrives in my inbox. _"You should come by my place again sometime. Next time, I'll make sure it's a more.. "casual" meet-up ;) there are a lot of fun things you can do in a bed"_

Do I act out on my attraction, or do I retain my massive amount of pride? This dilemma is going to eat away at my brain. When an actual picture of Maki comes through, one of her winking at the camera with yet another full glass of cocktail in hand, I decide to go with the former. _"...I think I'm going to have to arrest you instead"_

" _Hmm? And why is that?"_

I let out a puff of air to myself, and hope that second time's a charm. _"Because it's YOU who's stolen MY heart"_ A few long minutes pass; I wonder if she's going to respond at all, or if I've officially scared her off for good. Hmm, throwing myself out of this moving car seems like a good idea right about now.

But just when all hope seems lost, another text comes in. Another picture, this time of Maki holding a pair of steel handcuffs. _"Damn, and I was so excited to use them on you.. I guess you can try them out on me instead"_..Just what exactly have I gotten myself into?

* * *

 **A/N: Oh Nico, who knows what you've gotten into lmao. So, a friend prompted me to do a "thief" au, and this was the first thing that popped into mind.**

 **Also a bit off topic, if any of you read my other fic "In the Arms of the Ocean" I've decided to continue it, so stay tuned for that as well! :p**


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